Déjà Vu
by TMNTgrl
Summary: Living through it once was hard. Déjà vu with a tragic twist proves to be even harder. Oneshot.


**_A/N: I keep writing tearjerker oneshots... (shrug) Oh, well. I managed not to cry myself while writing this one, but we'll see what you guys do ;)_**

**_Notes: Yes, this shares many similarites with the "Shredder Strikes Back" storyline. I meant it to be that way; you'll see why. No, I don't own the plotline to that set of episodes._**

* * *

_Crash!_

_Thud._

"Oh, no," Raph gasped.

He had been pacing anxiously only moments before. After a family sleepover at April's apartment, Leo had gone out for some fresh air. Raph grew worried when his brother didn't return, and was nearing the decision to go out and look for him.

And suddenly, here he was.

Though far from the condition in which he had left.

"Not again," Raph muttered as he hurriedly crouched by his sibling with Don and Mikey close behind. "Not again, not again . . ."

Leo moaned faintly when Raph touched his shoulder. "Bro, wake up," Raph whispered, trying to keep his voice steady. The elder turtle looked to be in far worse condition than last time. _Last time . . ._

_It could have been anyone_, Raph told himself. _This is just a coincidence. Anyone could have . . ._ "Wake up, Leo. Ya gotta tell us what happened, okay?"

"F . . . Foot," Leo croaked without opening his eyes. "Ambush . . . lost my . . . shell-cell . . . couldn't get back . . . before s-surrounded . . . too many . . . coming . . . here . . . have to . . . have to get out . . . quick . . ." Every breath rasped painfully in his throat. "Karai . . . saw her . . . she still wants . . . vengeance . . ."

"Alright," Don murmured. "Rest, Leo. We'll get you out of here."

"I'll go scout the basement," Mikey offered. "That tunnel's bound to be our quickest way home on foot. Back in a flash."

"This can't be happening," Raph mumbled.

"April, grab me a first aid kit," Don called. "Leo's in real rough shape. Raph, help me move him away from the window; lying on glass won't do him any good."

"Right."

Without any warning, Mikey bolted out of the basement and slammed the door, pressing his back against it as though trying to hold it closed. "Foot ninjas!" he gasped. "In the tunnel! Hordes of them! We gotta find another way out! Oof!"

The door slammed open, sending the youngest turtle stumbling. Foot ninjas began to pour in. The windows were in a similar state.

"Donatello, Michelangelo, the windows!" Splinter instructed. "April, with me at the doors! Raphael, get your brother out!"

"C'mon, Leo," Raph grunted, pulling the wounded turtle to his feet. "Arm over my shoulder; that's it. Let's go."

"No," Leo rasped. "Get out . . . there's . . . there's too many . . . you'll be killed . . . I . . . I'm just slowing you down."

"No way. You ain't never left me behind and I ain't leavin' you either. Move your feet or I'll drag ya out."

Leo smiled for a moment, his eyes closed. "Of course." He looked up. "Let's . . . let's go, then. The spiral stairs . . . will be fastest."

"On it, bro. Hang tight."

Their pace could only be described as slothful. Don and Mikey kept most of the Foot away while Raph slashed the stragglers, and even Leo found the strength for a few good kicks.

"Alright," Raph said. "You feel where the stairs start?"

"Y-yeah . . . just take it slow, okay?"

"Will do. Mike, watch our backs, will ya?"

"Sure thing!"

Every step made Leo cringe. His legs were bruised and slashed, his muscles sore, and he was sure that one knee was half in and half out of its socket- which, in his opinion, was ten times more painful than full dislocation. "Raph," he gasped.

"Easy there. You wanna sit?"

Leo nodded weakly, and Raph gently eased him into a sitting position. "I got your back, bro. Lemme look ya over while you're down there, 'kay?"

Leo moaned faintly, but in the same breath, grew tense. "Foot ninjas, Raph. In the shop."

"Stay here. I'll go check it out."

"Like I've got a choice."

Raph hurried down the stairs. Leo leaned exhaustedly against the rail and closed his eyes, welcoming the chance to rest.

Or so he thought.

"Leo, watch out!"

"Wha- whoa!" Leo's eyes snapped open just in time to relay the message from eyes to brain to hands to catch the sword that was coming at his face; a Foot ninja had slipped past his youngest brother.

But his strength was failing him. All the ninja had to do was give one good kick, and Leo went down.

Down the stairs, precisely. He tumbled all the way to the bottom violently, unable to put out a hand to stop himself, yelping every time the chilly metal stairs jolted against his already battered body. He rolled to a stop, out cold, at Raph's feet.

"Leo," Raph gasped. "Man . . ." He cast a glance at the rows of battle-ready Foot lining the shop- and guarding their only exit. "Hang tight, bro. Guys!" he bellowed. "Get down here! We got trouble!"

Chaos soon descended. Severely outnumbered, the small family could only play defense and hope for a miracle. They fought frantically to keep someone near Leo at all times.

_Have to get up_, Leo kept telling himself. _Have to fight . . . they need my strength . . . or what's left of it, anyway . . ._

He forced his eyes open, straining to push away the half-conscious haze that pain and exhaustion were bringing upon him. Muddled black blobs rushed before his eyes, making him feel dizzy. The swollen, watery state of his eyes limited his vision.

Using the wall for support, Leo slowly struggled to his feet.

"Hey, bro!" Mikey called. "Doing better?"

"I wouldn't say . . . better," Leo gasped. "But it'll have to do." He kicked down a Foot ninja and scooped up its fallen sword. "Thank you."

He kept his back against the wall and one foot slightly off the ground in an effort to preserve his aching knee. Having a sword in his hand lifted his spirits. It wasn't an extremely sharp or balanced or clean sword, but it _was_ a sword.

His eyes were everywhere, searching out and keeping check on green blurs- shell, he wished he could see better. A motorcycle arrived, signaling the arrival of a certain hockey-stick wielding vigilante.

Leo felt his last glimmers of energy fading. The sword slipped from his numb fingers.

Someone yelped.

Leo's head swung toward one green blur in particular- the source of the yelp. He didn't need twenty-twenty vision to know what was happening to his little brother. Black blurs were already closing in on the fallen green blob.

"Mikey," Leo rasped. "Mikey! N-no!"

He scooped up the sword and bolted to his youngest sibling, using the last of his strength to cut down the threatening Foot ninjas. The sword clattered on the floor one more time. He sank to the ground beside it.

"You . . . you stood and fought," Mikey whispered. "Like nothing was even wrong."

"You okay?" Leo croaked.

"Y-yeah, but . . ."

"Good." Leo closed his eyes and slipped back into unconsciousness.

Mikey stared down at his brother for a long moment. He felt anger- anger so intense it made him shake, anger unlike anything he had ever felt before. "Guys!" he shouted. "We're getting out of here!"

His family quickly regrouped at his side. "Raph, Don, get Leo!" Mikey ordered.

"The police are coming," Don panted. "We need a way out; the door's still blocked!"

"Leave that to me," Mikey growled. He turned to face the wall.

Suddenly, he charged, nunchakus whirling to take out any Foot he passed. At the last second, he pulled his arms in and twisted to the side, plowing his shoulder clean through the wall of the shop. "C'mon, guys! Hurry!"

The Foot ninjas were already scattering to the tune of police sirens. Raph slid aside the nearest manhole cover, but quickly slammed it back down. He turned and leaned his forehead against the wall, trembling slightly. "It . . . it's happening all over again . . ."

"What?" Don asked.

"Foot ninjas . . . they've infested the sewers. We can't get back to the lair."

"Lemme at 'em," Mikey snarled. "I'll clear the way. I'll rip their heads off for what they did to Leo!"

"Michelangelo, calm yourself!" Splinter ordered. "We have more urgent matters at hand."

Don sighed. "Looks like Massachusetts is our best bet."

* * *

"There, bro," Don murmured, tugging a blanket over his shivering, comatose sibling. "All that's left is your knee; it looks to be in bad shape." The truck jerked, and Leo moaned. "I know. It hurts. Just try to relax." He laid a hand on Leo's twisted knee. "Easy . . . easy now . . . there it is."

Leo gave a weak cry as his knee snapped back into its socket. "Done," Don whispered. "Now just rest." He leaned back on his hands and sighed.

It felt like the longest drive in the world. Raph only scowled at anyone who dared cast him a glance. Mikey stared at the floor of the truck, rage still smoldering in his eyes; every so often, he'd give a low, guttural growl. Splinter slept.

At long last, the truck jerked to a stop. "Raph," Don murmured. "Help me carry him inside."

They quickly got a fire roaring and got their brother warm. Then they talked, spending hours telling him stories and reminding him of all he had to live for. Leo made only the faintest of responses.

"Why," Raph growled. "_Why_, Leo? Why can't you ever make it home? Why do you keep letting this happen? What's wrong with ya?! You think we don't need ya or somethin'?!" He lowered his eyes and his voice; déjà vu stabbed at his heart like a lance. "'Cause we do. All of us do. 'Specially me. You . . . you know that, right?"

The whole time, Leo had been fighting. He wasn't afraid to wake up- not this time. But his strength was so far gone that he could only struggle to do something, anything. Anything to show them that he was listening.

_Is this what death feels like? It's not what I want . . . it doesn't feel like it's time._

_I wish this didn't have to be. I know they'll hurt. Karai will have finally gotten her way. I can only hope that they avenge me . . . safely._

"Leo," Don whispered. "Don't . . . don't give up . . ."

_I must . . . say goodbye. I have to tell them._

Leo's eyes fluttered open halfway; they were already glazed over. His gaze travelled around the room, meeting the eyes of each of his family members as he spoke. His voice rasped in his throat. "Casey . . . April . . . sensei . . . Raph . . . Mikey . . . Don . . ." Once more, his eyes closed. "Th . . . thank you . . ."

_They say that you'll see a light at the end._

_Most would call this death a godsend._

_An end to the hurt, an end to the pain,_

_An end to all of the fighting and strain._

_It wouldn't be so bad, but Karai got her way,_

_And I know that with you, my brothers, a grudge will always stay._

_Until you defeat her and get your revenge._

_Only then will you feel I'm avenged._

_So many things I'll never get to say,_

_So many games I'll never get to play._

_Never again to battle, never again to protect,_

_Never again will there be hidden enemies to detect._

_Never again to stand at your sides,_

_Never to leap buildings with long, graceful strides._

_I love you, my family, I always will._

_Fights mattered not; I cared for you still._

_Stay safe and stay strong; I'll watch over you._

_I can rest easy knowing you've always loved me, too._

A tear slid from Leo's closed eye.

"Leo," Raph croaked. "Leo, no! No!" He fell to his knees and flung his arms around his brother's neck, clutching him with all of his strength. "Don't leave me, bro! Don't go! I . . . I need you! We all need you! _Don't leave us_!"

Mikey sank to the ground and laid his forehead against the couch. "I'm gonna make Karai wish she'd never been born!" he howled, and began to sob.

Don reached a shaking hand toward his red-banded sibling. "Raph," he whispered. Though he allowed no tears to fall from his eyes, his heart was sobbing like never before. "It's over. Leo's gone, bro. You can't bring him back."

Raph slowly turned to face him. "What's _wrong_ with you? You aren't even _upset_!" He shoved past Don and bolted outside, flinging himself down into the snow. He relished the way the impact jolted at his legs. He welcomed the icy sting that the cold brought upon him.

He threw back his head and gave a long, loud wail.

His brother was gone.

Forever.

* * *

They buried him the next day, in his favorite spot by the barn. Each of his brothers spoke.

"He was a great guy," Raph said. "Anyone would wanna be like him. I did. I never . . . hated him, no matter what I said. I shouldn't have put him through so much . . . not as much as I did. He was our best friend . . . the greatest leader . . . and . . . and the best big brother a guy could ever ask for." He lowered his eyes and nodded to Mikey.

"Well . . . like Raph said, he was . . . he was our best friend. He was _always_ there. Even if he was sick or wounded or whatever, he'd crawl on his hands and knees to be there for us. He never let us down. He'd protect us and comfort us and he liked to play, too. He'd try anything at least once. He'd play any video game I asked him to, and he'd laugh right along with me every time. He made a great pillow, too . . . especially during movies . . ."

Mikey frowned and paused for a moment, struggling to find his voice to continue. Don gave him an encouraging semi-hug. "It's hard to believe I'll never see him again," Mikey went on. "But . . . Leo, if you're out there listening somewhere, I want you to know that . . . that I'm sorry I always called you boring. I really looked up to you and I had a lot of fun with you. I'll miss you."

He turned to bury his head against Don's shoulder, and said no more.

Don gave Mikey's carapace a few comforting pats. "Most of what I wanted to say has already been said," he whispered. "No one will ever replace our brother and nothing will make his passing easier to handle. I wish he hadn't been in so much pain."

"You should have saved him!" Raph suddenly burst out. "Why, Don?! Why'd you let him _die_?!"

Don looked away. "I did all that I could. I have no access to IVs or defibrillators. I'm lucky if I can find local anesthetics and painkillers powerful enough for the torture we go through at every meeting with humans. He needed to be in a _hospital_, Raph, on full life-support. We can't have those things. I'm not a doctor." He shut his eyes. "Do you think I wanted him to die? Do you think I didn't wish there was something more I could do?"

"You could at least feel some grief like the rest of us!" Raph snapped.

Don gently pushed Mikey away and went inside the house without saying a word.

* * *

Raph shivered as a particularly strong wind blasted his reptilian skin. He could only guess how many tears had frozen on his cheeks since Don had walked away from him. A lot, he figured.

Someone laid a blanket around his shoulders. "Thanks, Mike," he sighed.

"You've been out here all day."

"I know."

"It's getting dark."

"Uh-huh."

"Raph, listen . . . Donny wanted me to tell you that he's sorry for walking away like that. He wanted to be alone. He . . . needed some time to cry."

"Why doesn't he care?" Raph whispered, not looking up from Leo's grave, near which he had been crouched all day. "Why isn't he grieving?"

"He is. He just wants to be alone when he shows it. He's trying to stay strong and be there for us, which is more than I can say for you. Is this what Leo would want? You sitting outside, totally ignoring us, and freezing to death? Which you will if you're out here all night."

"At least then he won't be alone."

"Please . . . Raph, I don't wanna lose you, too. It's always gonna hurt, but we still need you . . . especially now that Leo's gone."

"Mike . . ." Tears were welling up in Raph's eyes.

Mikey laid an arm over his shoulders. "Don't be scared; it's okay. I'm here."

Raph shook for a moment, still desperately trying to repress his anguish. Then, he gave in, sobbing without restraint and allowing his baby brother to console him.

"Raph, I'm here," Mikey whispered.

* * *

Don shrank slightly when he heard Raph coming up the stairs. "Hey," the red-banded turtle greeted quietly.

"Raph, listen," Don said. "I'm . . . I'm sorry I walked away this morning. I just didn't want everyone to see me break down . . ."

"Mikey told me. But why are you apologizing? I was the one bein' a jerk. You were right, Don; I understand. _I'm_ sorry."

Don looked away. Raph patted him on the shoulder. "We're here for you, bro; remember that. It's gettin' late. Let's get some sleep, okay?"

"Raph . . ."

"Yeah, I know. You c'n come ta me as long as I can come to you, too. 'Kay?"

Don smiled slightly. "Okay. That's fair."

Exhausted by the previous day's battle and worn out from grief, Raph immediately slipped into a deep sleep, and would have stayed that way all night- if it weren't for a certain someone waking him.

"R-Raphie . . . Raphie, I can't sleep. I keep having dreams. Raphie, please . . ."

"Nrgh . . . Mikey, leave me alone . . . go cry to Leo like ya usually do."

A pause.

Raph slowly opened his eyes. Mikey blinked at him tearfully. "Oh, man . . . I . . . I'm sorry; it's just such a habit . . ."

"I know. I woke up and I was looking for him and then I remembered . . ."

"Mike, c'mere. C'mon, buddy, it's okay. You just stick close t'me, alright?"

Mikey began to sob. Raph pulled him close. "Mike . . ."

* * *

The door slammed as Mikey rushed outside.

Don peered out of the kitchen. "What _happened_?"

Raph went to the window and sighed. Mikey was on the porch, yanking the swing from its chains, kicking hard enough to shatter the wooden rails, and shoving over the pile of firewood. "He's . . . upset."

"I figured that. Why?"

"See . . . he slept near me. And I guess he was havin' a bad dream 'cause he woke up shriekin' his head off and thrashin' and kickin'. His eyes . . . he looked so _mad_. It didn't matter how tight I held him; he didn't even know I was there. He thrashed me and bolted. C'mon. He's . . . he's by Leo's grave." The pair headed outside.

"I'm gonna kill them," Mikey whispered. "I . . . I'm gonna kill every last one of them for what they did to you, bro! Every last one- and her, too! I'll make them pay! I'll make them wish they'd never laid eyes on you! I'll make them wish they'd never _heard_ of ninjas!"

Two shadows settled over him. He spun, eyes still blazing. "Mikey, calm down!" Don said. "Calm down; it's us."

"I have to," Mikey gasped. "I have to get them . . ." The fury in his eyes was mixed with a strange, haunted appearance.

"_Mikey_!" Raph shouted. "Relax. We're gonna go back and we're gonna avenge him, but not now. The hurt's still too much; none of us can really focus. Now listen to me. Why do you need to make them pay?"

"He died protecting me!" Mikey howled. "I was surrounded and . . . and he used the last of his strength on me! I shouldn't have let that happen! He should have been using his strength to rest- not to save my sorry shell! I have to-"

"Shut up for a second," Raph interrupted. "Who are you doing this for?"

Mikey appeared to calm down just ever so slightly. "What?"

"Who is all this revenge and thrashing for? Avenging Leo? Or proving _your_ strength?"

The fire and mirth drained from Mikey's eyes, leaving only hurt and fear and anguish. "R-Raph, Don . . ." Mikey wrapped both of his brothers in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry . . . I . . . I just wish . . . I should have taken better care of myself . . ."

"Mikey," Don murmured. "Protecting us was what Leo lived for. He always said he'd give his life for us, and he meant it. Leo went out fighting. It's what he would have wanted."

"B-but . . . Karai . . ."

"We'll take care of Karai," Raph assured. "As soon as we're emotionally ready, and less sleepy. None of us have gotten much rest for the past couple days."

Mikey felt a rush of relief. As he looked over his shoulder at Leo's grave, a little smile touched his lips.

* * *

"This is it," Raph snarled. "We're goin' in."

Everyone stood at his side. His brothers, his father, their closest friends. "Leo," Raph whispered. "This is for you, big bro."

Karai stepped out of the Foot ninja crowd to stand before them.

Everyone took up a battle stance.

Raph closed his eyes for a long moment, trying to picture his big brother. Recalling the feeling of déjà vu. Remembering the moment of his death. His family did the same.

Anger sang her tune. Revenge wormed himself into their minds, overshadowing any other thought.

Weapons were drawn on all sides. Karai readied to complete her vengeance. The turtles prepared for theirs.

No one was leaving.

Someone was going to be avenged.

* * *

**_A/N: So what'd ya think? Like the way I ended it? Please R flames will be used to forge myself a new shoulder...what I did, I don't know, but it sure does hurt. Thanks for reading!_**


End file.
